Way to ruin Christmas.

So, the fiance’ cheated on me last night. (in my dream). And the girl was young and beautiful. A tall, dark, slender stunner. She visited the college where he works and he was her advisor. And she thought he was so charming and helpful and wonderful. And she visited campus in low cut jeans and a bikini top. (Because nothing screams academic-minded hopeful like cleavage and lower back dimples)

And I remember, I was particularly livid because she had a rock hard stomach. As if it weren’t bad enough that he threw our relationship out the window and tore a family apart. He had to do it with sexy-stomach girl. And I woke up with the image seared into my brain. This may or may not be related to the fact that I went to bed last night, having consumed a fried tenderloin with a side of fried cauliflower for my dinner. To the untrained eye, that would look like deep fried muffin top in the making.

So, he cheated with Abs-erella in my dream. But I am mad at him now in real life. (obviously). Way to ruin Christmas babe.

Obviously.

I am trying to portray, via text, to my boyfriend, that the energy has drained out of my lifeless body and I am now a zombie and need brains to eat. But all in a zombie voice. And he's not getting it at all.

I mean, if you get a text that says “Mrrrrrr… Mehhhhh. Blaaaaaa. Brainssssss.” It seems painfully obvious. Interpretation: I have died a slow, painful, death. I am a zombie corpse. I need nourishment to thrive. (AKA. My spirit has died. Please dialogue with me and entertain me).

Surely I have a right to be upset about all of this?

Most Fascinating People of 2011

So Barbara Walters just released her 10 Most fascinating People of 2011. My. God.

If by “fascinating” she meant “the people I couldn’t possibly, in any universe, care less about” then, ok, she hit that one out of the park. And truly, this is your resident tabloid magazine junkie talking here. The very best moment of my life is a toss up between the birth of my children and the day I finally subscribed to People Magazine- so, I mean, I know a little something about pointless junk about rich shallow people.

Her list: Simon Cowell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Katy Perry, Pippa Middleton and a clown car full of Kardashians

There are two names on that list that I don’t hate (it was the two that I had to Google, because they weren’t obvious fart buckets like the others) I like the picks Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet. They are the hilarious gay couple on Modern Family, only my very favorite show this year! I mean, seriously, this show is hilarious, how did I not know about it before now? So, OK, Barbara, well played. Two actors off the most popular show on television. Very innovative of you… (*note sarcasm). But fine, kudos, I do like them. Congratulations. Your list is only 80% terrible.



So… what if I had to pick the other 9 you ask? (aforemention are a gay "couple' so I am counting them as one pick obv...)

Zach Galafianakis: I want to touch his grizzlor face. He’s so goofy looking and weird. And he stars in one of the best comedies ever made. ALmost negated by the making of one of the worst sequels ever made… but the beard trumps the sequel. Invited.


Sandra Bullock: Come on. That’s a gimme. Let’s put her on the stand and have her tell us how much she hates her cheating, lousy ex and then we can all hate him together and then we can all ohhh and ahhh over her adorable little adopted baby and relish in the fact that she sleeps on kajillion dollar sheets in a kajillion dollar house and is adorable and people love her. And she probably knows what Ryan Reynolds looks like naked. So, we'll all relish in her success together.


Mark Zuckerberg: The guy that created Facebook. I don’t really want to talk to him. We get it. He invented a website and is a socially awkward twenty something billionaire. Blah blah, we’ve seen The Social Network. BUT, I would like to have two goons hiding in the wings and then they’d kidnap him and hold him for ransom. And the payment you ask? That he get rid of the new Facebook feed that the entire civilized world HATES and just give us the same, old, comfortable, chronological feed that we all crave. Genius plan. (come on Barbara, THINK!) If he can't make it, they can just sent Mark Wahlberg in his place. That will work too.

The dude that created the Keurig Coffee Maker. I don’t know his name. But every morning I wake up to that little K-Cup and say, "Hello Lover!" So, dude's invited.




Bobby Flay: He will not only be invited to my marvelous dinner party, he will cook scrumptious gourmet for us all. Then he will sit down and entertain us all with his wit and charm. Well done Bobby Flay… (yes, for those counting, he is the 2nd ginger on the list. Should've done a list of 10 most fascinating red heads of 2011... maybe next year.)



The entire cast of How I Met Your Mother: Because they are hilarious and I am convinced that they are all really friends in real life and that they want me to join their circle of friendship and that we’d all hit it off smashingly and go on vacations together and have witty banter all the time together. So, they are all invited so they can realize the potential of this union.


Ben Lamb: Winner of the 2011 World Series of Poker. Poker is no longer a niche’ thing. This is big business, millions in sponsorships, millions of fans and viewers and scandal has rocked the industry since Black Friday. This guy is a young gun superstar and would definitely be on my list.


Tim Tebow: I mean, duh. Do I have to justify this. His blood cures cancer. In.


Siri: The helpful bot from the iPhone4S. Let’s face it, this little droid is changing the way people work and live. It almost gets eliminated from the list for having a name resembling the spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Almost. But this Siri knows all, tells all, helps all. “Siri, send invitations to my amazing list of celebrities and Most Interesting People of 2011. Now. PS, see if Michael Buble’ will croon for us, just background noise.” Blam, done.

Shiny and new

I guess I am a little bit of the cliché’ “engage-ee” today. Those of you that are married, may remember that feeling. That foreign feeling of having that bling on your finger. The sparkle that catches your eye. That little snag of carbon, catching on your clothes. And the constant need to wipe away even the first hint of a smudge. It’s all so bright and shiny and new and magnificent! You just can’t fathom how the gas station clerk isn’t noticing and commenting on your newly acquired sparkle!



And let’s face it- isn’t that a metaphor for a relationship? In the grand scheme of life- in the ups and downs and good times and hardships and years of routine that will take place: even our relationship of a couple of years is still new and shiny.

But, as is reality, the ring will dull. The sparkle will diminish. The day will come where it will wear calluses onto my finger and I will hardly notice it. And I supposed, for us, tough times will come. We’ll face challenges, hardships, slumps, routines. But, the fantastic truth is, I know we’ll survive them. If I didn’t know that, we wouldn’t be going down this incredibly wonderful, possibly bumpy, always unknown road. I can’t tell you how I know, but I just know. I know that we’ve found in each other that person that is your perfect other half. Someone who genuinely enjoys your company and wants to be your partner. I wrote about marriage one other time, and what I yearned to someday find, what I refused to accept less than:

“You support each other, and little facets of your life intertwine and intersect in lots of places. Someone is there, they notice when you come home. They can tell how you're feeling. Sometimes they just sit with you- and you don't need to talk. You know the same stories, and have the same jokes. Because over time, those things have just melded together. Instead of his stories and her stories you just have "our" stories. You have fun together, and the same things make you laugh! There are little gestures, just those hidden little intimacies between two people. Kind words, a soft touch. You have inside jokes. You know their favorite meal, they know your saddest story. They know your strengths. And you know their vulnerabilities. You can laugh at your imperfections together. They know you're going to make mistakes and you know despite that, they're going to keep loving you anyway. You talk things out, make decisions together- whether it's where to go out to eat, or where to buy your next house. Two voices work together to solve life's problems, overcome the hurdles. And when you have a happy moment, you have the feeling where you can't wait to tell them because it truly affects them. It's their life as much as it is yours. I guess, the assumption is there that together, you're a "WE." You might have separate interests. But we're a WE.”

So marrieds out there, take a moment to clean your bling. Remove the lint, get that tiny scrub brush out and make it look shiny and new again. It’s a great reminder to yourself and the world, that you have a lot to be proud of! I am happy to show the world my new bling and someday you may have to remind me to do the same thing! In the mean time, shine on little ring, shine on... ("little" being a term of enddearment, said ring is not too little at all!)

25 and counting!

So, I know I have been slacking on the blog again. But seeing that my readership is down to one, I figured it's not the end of the world...

Today is my 25th birthday!!! (Well, the 8th anniversary of my 25th birthday.) And it just so happens I am battling a particularly horrible flu bug! But, I will not be deterred from feeling incredibly grateful for the amazingness that my life is!

I have the two best kids in the world. They truly make me smile every single day! I have the world's best boyfriend. A man that is so patient and thoughtful and funny- I wonder how I ever lived without him. He makes so many of m days special, but man, he sure tries to make me smile for my birthday every year! And it is SO endearing and appreciated! And I have some really amazing family. Some of them I've had my whole life (Mom!) and some have come into my life in more recent years. But they are the people that fill my heart, who I build memories with, who love without expectation and who stand by me, flaws and all. To those people, I am so humbled and grateful!

I would say 2011 has been the best year ever and I can't wait to see what the future has in store!

This would be a great post to share a cheesy old birthday photo from my childhood. But I don't have one at my disposal, so... use your imagination to picture a somkewhat round, bright-eyed girl, with long, platinum hair, missing teeth, a Transformer t-shirt and an ornery grin. Maybe my lone reader will provide me some digital evidence to post? :)