So Barbara Walters just released her 10 Most fascinating People of 2011. My. God.
If by “fascinating” she meant “the people I couldn’t possibly, in any universe, care less about” then, ok, she hit that one out of the park. And truly, this is your resident tabloid magazine junkie talking here. The very best moment of my life is a toss up between the birth of my children and the day I finally subscribed to People Magazine- so, I mean, I know a little something about pointless junk about rich shallow people.
Her list: Simon Cowell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Katy Perry, Pippa Middleton and a clown car full of Kardashians
There are two names on that list that I don’t hate (it was the two that I had to Google, because they weren’t obvious fart buckets like the others) I like the picks Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet. They are the hilarious gay couple on Modern Family, only my very favorite show this year! I mean, seriously, this show is hilarious, how did I not know about it before now? So, OK, Barbara, well played. Two actors off the most popular show on television. Very innovative of you… (*note sarcasm). But fine, kudos, I do like them. Congratulations. Your list is only 80% terrible.
So… what if I had to pick the other 9 you ask? (aforemention are a gay "couple' so I am counting them as one pick obv...)
Zach Galafianakis: I want to touch his grizzlor face. He’s so goofy looking and weird. And he stars in one of the best comedies ever made. ALmost negated by the making of one of the worst sequels ever made… but the beard trumps the sequel. Invited.
Sandra Bullock: Come on. That’s a gimme. Let’s put her on the stand and have her tell us how much she hates her cheating, lousy ex and then we can all hate him together and then we can all ohhh and ahhh over her adorable little adopted baby and relish in the fact that she sleeps on kajillion dollar sheets in a kajillion dollar house and is adorable and people love her. And she probably knows what Ryan Reynolds looks like naked. So, we'll all relish in her success together.
Mark Zuckerberg: The guy that created Facebook. I don’t really want to talk to him. We get it. He invented a website and is a socially awkward twenty something billionaire. Blah blah, we’ve seen The Social Network. BUT, I would like to have two goons hiding in the wings and then they’d kidnap him and hold him for ransom. And the payment you ask? That he get rid of the new Facebook feed that the entire civilized world HATES and just give us the same, old, comfortable, chronological feed that we all crave. Genius plan. (come on Barbara, THINK!) If he can't make it, they can just sent Mark Wahlberg in his place. That will work too.
The dude that created the Keurig Coffee Maker. I don’t know his name. But every morning I wake up to that little K-Cup and say, "Hello Lover!" So, dude's invited.
Bobby Flay: He will not only be invited to my marvelous dinner party, he will cook scrumptious gourmet for us all. Then he will sit down and entertain us all with his wit and charm. Well done Bobby Flay… (yes, for those counting, he is the 2nd ginger on the list. Should've done a list of 10 most fascinating red heads of 2011... maybe next year.)
The entire cast of How I Met Your Mother: Because they are hilarious and I am convinced that they are all really friends in real life and that they want me to join their circle of friendship and that we’d all hit it off smashingly and go on vacations together and have witty banter all the time together. So, they are all invited so they can realize the potential of this union.
Ben Lamb: Winner of the 2011 World Series of Poker. Poker is no longer a niche’ thing. This is big business, millions in sponsorships, millions of fans and viewers and scandal has rocked the industry since Black Friday. This guy is a young gun superstar and would definitely be on my list.
Tim Tebow: I mean, duh. Do I have to justify this. His blood cures cancer. In.
Siri: The helpful bot from the iPhone4S. Let’s face it, this little droid is changing the way people work and live. It almost gets eliminated from the list for having a name resembling the spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Almost. But this Siri knows all, tells all, helps all. “Siri, send invitations to my amazing list of celebrities and Most Interesting People of 2011. Now. PS, see if Michael Buble’ will croon for us, just background noise.” Blam, done.