Me to waitress: “OK, I’d like the Classic Sampler. With an extra egg.”
Me: (feeling her long pause and scrutiny regarding my excess) “I’m kind of doing a protein diet. Thing.”
Waitress: “Well it’s supposed to come with hashbrowns, so I can sub those for something else.”
Me: Whatever Captain Literal. I said ‘kind of.’ “No. That’s ok, hashbrowns are ok.”
Waitress: “Well I can sub in bacon. Or another egg or something.”
Me: (I feel like she brought up another egg to be particularly smart-assish) “Just bring the hashbrowns.”
And after all of this, I had to discreetly order my pumpkin spike muffin at the cashier’s desk instead of with her and her harsh judging ways.