Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Enough voodoo already!
As my Minnesotan anscestors would say: Ufffta.
Man alive, it's been a long week. I've had one of those weeks where NOTHING seems to have gone right. Discouragement just keeps piling on. I cried twice. OK, three times. Ok, four times, but seriously, that's it. But I'm not a crier. I mean, this week I apparently I am. But not usually. My college roommates used to think something was wrong with me. We'd be watching Steel Magnolia and while they were weeping their eyes out, I'd be rummaging through the fridge looking for a tub of frosting to eat with a spoon. And as they shot me looks of annoyance for interupting their emotional moment, I'd look back at them with a spoon in my mouth and frosting on my cheek and mumble, "What? I worked out this morning..."
My poor boyfriend. Supportive and loving and wonderully sweet. But a boy none the less. His fix is "can't you just stop?"
And actually, he's a wise one, that boy. Because he's right, I just need to stop. I'll freely admit that I'm being a total hypocrit. Because I like to preach about having perspective in life. And not fretting the small stuff and all that, yada, yada. And I also freely admit I don't have it that bad. I have it rather good actually. Wonderful home, exceptionally wonderful children, supportive partner. But...life has just gotten me down. Like somewhere, someone has a little voodoo doll version of me and from a musty little apartment somewhere they are excitedly putting more and more needles into the little rag doll version of me. And then the real life version of me is feeling those needle pricks in the form of disappointments and stresses and lost patience and challenges, etc. Enough with the voodoo already! I'm sorry! Whatever I did to you black magic worshipper from afar, I'M VERY SORRY! Just let me go back to carefree, loving, happy life!
It's embrassing to admit life can get you down. I guess my motive for writing today is to call myself out and say, enough already! You had an unfortunate run (relative scale here, a nuclear plant didn't blow up in my back yard or anything), suck it up, deal with what can be dealt with, let the rest go!
So, as of today I'm officially done crying... (I think). And I'm officially done losing my patience... (probably). And I'm definitely officially done being a drag... (in all likelihood)! I have felt moments in the past year of such pure joy and elation, and I experience moments daily of feeling so blessed. Big moments and small moments and moments that sneak up everyday. When I sold my life-sucking house. When my little girl got so excited because she just used the potty for the first time and she ran around the house with her little round naked buns hanging out of her shirt, high-fiving everyone. When I found out my only sibling didn't have lymphoma. When I came home to a thoughtful gift and card that reinforced that I had the support and love of someone. I just need to spend a little more time right now remembering those things.
So bring it on you random April Wednesday- let's dance!