I've been sustaining myself on Red Vines and Diet Cherry Coke. I know, I know, it seems counterintuitive. Because I'm putting all of this effort into exercise and running this soul-stealing half marathon again in June. I can't explain it. Other than I've been living out of my car for the past month and every gas station in rural Iowa carries these dietary staples. Gone are the days of eating 3-hour old gas station pizza for lunch. No, I've moved on and up in the world, I wouldn't dream of such atrocities. Now I settle for nothing less than artificial red coloring and cherry flavors.
And then I was using Google images to find a picture of Red Vines and I discovered they sell them in bulk- in a huge cannister! And now all I can think about is where do I find this Holy Grail of junk food? I've got to have it! Red Vines at my disposal ALL THE TIME!!?? I could start using them for everyday tasks! This is the most excited I've been since that time I found out those huge muffins from the Walmart bakery were only two weight watcher points! And then I told everyone about it and all my friends were eating them. And then it was discovered that each muffin was three servings... and consequently not just two points... exactly. And suddenly it sort of looked like it was my fault that people weren't losing weight. And the angry masses turned on me. Judas'es. But before all that I was super excited at my stellar find. Anyway, the point is I need a tub o' vines asap.