Tunes for a Tuesday

Also, lest there's any question why I love fall, just look at it. That looks like God's canvas- a real masterpiece, nothing less.

Monday.

A little discouraged today. Nothing that a cup of a coffee and mass influx of Reese's Peanut Cups won't help with I imagine.

But, I try to remind myself there's always so much to be thankful for. And one thing to be thankful for today is, at least I'm not this person:


Have a good Monday. I'm going to take a bath. In chocolate and peanut butter. And I don't mean in a kinky way. Just in the average person bathing in food kind of way.

Remember

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 6 years ago I lost my first baby. I will never forget the day I saw those two pink lines for the first time, few things in life can equal that elation. I was ecstatic; excitedly looking at onesies and all things tiny and baby. I bought the baby books and I started the countdown to parenthood. I made plans, I looked at nursery stuff, I thought about how I'd make the big reveal! I dreamed big dreams and couldn't wait to hold my unborn baby.

And then one day she was gone. I don't really know it was a girl, I just always had a gut feeling. Some things were physically happening and I had a bad feeling about it. I went to the hospital and she was gone- just like that. I remember the phone call, the big reveal. I called my mom and all I could say through tears was, "I'm pregnant... but it's not going to work out." Any words more concrete than that felt too real. Too permanent. No more baby names, no more onesies. Just a shoebox in a closet with little mementos that she ever existed.

And today I just have an angel on my Christmas tree. It's tucked among the hundreds of other ornaments that I love. And on the back it has written, "December 18th, 2004" the day my first child was due to be born.

Unless you've carried a baby or had a child, I don't think you can imagine. I think you think, "how could you love a baby you never even met?" But ask any mother- and she knows. She knows that you can love that person more than you can love yourself. And today all I can do it say little prayers for her- for all the things she never got to be.

I know there are thousands... millions of women even, that have endured such a loss. I'm not unique, it's not rare. It's one of the burdens that women shoulder in life.

My biggest fear from that moment on was that for some reason, I would be unable to carry a child, that I wouldn't get to experience the wonder. And I thank God every single day for blessing me as a mother. It's the greatest gift I could ever imagine.

It's that time...

It's definitely my favorite time of year: football games, comfort food, crisp weather. I love it all.

But the downsize of the season is it's easy to feel frumpy. You're losing your last of your summer tan. Starting to look pasty. Started to get a littler softer in the middle from lack of all summer activity. And ohhhh... the comfort food!

It's probably time to get serious about a workout regimen! I'd like to focus on overall muscle tone this winter- try my darndest to fight these wicked 30's! :) I don't want to invest in a lot of equiptment- right now I have at my disposal a treadmill, some free weights and a few workout videos. I'd really like to have a few appointments with a trainer to find out how to target my "problem areas" but again, that can be a big investment.

I'm going to start with my basic cardo, build up a little endurance- but if anyone has any good ideas for workouts for women- particularly for the core area, let me know. (Oh and if toned legs, firm arms, highers buns, and... fewer wrinkles... would miraculously be side effects- that would be good too)

And please- don't offer me good food. Like- pumpkin pie... and chili... and hot wings... and all that. Let's go out for brocolli sometime!!!