Justt try!

Just TRY not to tap your toes to this song! And how cute is this video? It's my favorite right now! (you should see my 5-year old singing it!)

I do... I like it

When I first heard this song I was a closet listener. I liked the sound of it, but the lyrics seemed too cheesy to really love it (I'll take off my halo, you take off your wings...) I mean really, even for a love song, isn't angel imagery taking it too far?

BUT- then I actually stopped and listened to it clear through one say. The message is actually saying "hey, nobody's perfect, I don't have a halo, you don't have wings-let's quit pretending that exists- but I love you despite that- and we're good together, period."

And now, I'm not AS ashamed to say I like it. It's still cheesy, I'll give you that.

a follow up

Some of you may have noticed the "anonymous" comments on my last blog. Let's just say they all three came from 'someone from my past' who doesn't like me to be happy. I considered deleting them, but- honestly, I think it reflects more on that person that it does on me.

Because here's what I know. I'd done a lot of reading on controlling and emotionally abusive relationships in the past year. I know the M.O. They try to bring break you down. They try to control every action and emotion you have. They go to great lengths to bring you down publicly. And MOST of all, they can't stand for you to exert any Independence and being happy and moving on, strikes them to the core. The VERY first hit on Google for "controlling relationships" says: they have a mean streak (often physically breaking things), they put you down, they try to embarass you publicly, and the cycle through mean and nice streaks. Guess what- 100%.

I don't have to hide from those insults anymore- I don't have to delete them. I know the truth. I know what I did for my family and why. And the people that know me, know that too. I'm a good mother. I love my children fiercely and I make sure they know it. I keep them safe and I provide for them. I teach them about faith, kindness and patience. I give them a wide variety of opportunities & activities. And another thing I do, a KEY thing I do, is encourage them to love both parents. I take them out of the mix of past conflicts and let them be kids and promote a healthy relationship with both parents. Because I think it's the right thing to do- regardless of the emotions I have about the situation. They are happy and healthy. They excel academically and they have a big family that loves them.

It's true, that the biggest casualty of divorce is losing some time with them. I am blessed to have primary custody and that gives me a lot of peace, knowing that the bulk of their influence comes from me- and they are doing great in the situation! And because of the weekend visitation schedules, etc- that means that yes, there are times that I have a weekend to do adult things. I could sit at home and cry and miss them and wonder what they are doing (and Lord knows I have done that!) Or, I can be strong and take care of myself. I can give them a great gift- a mother who is happy and balanced and refreshed every time I get them back on a Sunday night.

I've made the choices I've made and I stand behind them. I have two beautiful daughters and if I can SHOW them a happy, healthy relationship- if I can encourage them to demand on having the very best in a partner for themselves someday- then I am doing my job.

SO thankful!

There's little doubt this whole past year of my life was going to be transformative. A year ago I finalized my life-altering decision to get divorced. After many years of loneliness and unhappiness I took the plunge. And I did it with a heavy heart. I tried everything to the point of attending marriage counseling alone- thinking maybe if I could correct every aspect of "my half" of the relationship it could be workable. But the only thing I learned is that it doesn't work like that. Without a "whole" there was no relationship to fix.

So, I stand here now a changed person. Changed for the better. I've known such happiness these past 12 months. And a lot of it comes with just being free of the burden of sorrow that clung to me for so long. But, I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that a big part of that happiness is thanks to the company I've been keeping!!!

I have had so many fun and exciting experiences this past year, there's no way I can list them all! I've been to St. Louis; saw the Angels and Cardinals play, toured Anheiser Busch and went to an amazing piano bar. I've been to Las Vegas; and played in my first live casino poker tournament (1st place victory worth mentioning!), rode in a stretch limosine up Las Vegas Boulevard, had VIP seats to watch the Bellagio light and water show, and saw my dream concert, Garth Brooks in a small, intimate show! I saw the Broadway production of Lion King! I've been to vineyards and learned about the different kinds of grapes and wines! I've strolled through farmers markets picking out frsh ingredients for new recipes to try! I've been to Cubs games and other ball fields around the state- enjoying the different concession stand foods as much as the ball games! I've learned the love of Hawkeye tailgating, Buffalo Wild Wings and Jethro's BBQ! I've hit the dance floor in a small rural Iowa bar, I've seen a hypnotist in action, I've picked out furniture, I've been to so many new restaurants and I've had more wonderful home-cooked meals that I could have ever imagined! I've made new friends, I've dressed up for Halloween, I've watched fireworks, I watched rented movies at home of every genre and I've taken road trips!

I've seen someone exhibit such wonderful qualities. Like perspective. When the basement flooded and he came upstairs, loosened his tie, and said "well, what should we eat tonight?" And patience. When we baked cake... after cake...after cake... in the pursuit of the perfect princess castle. And decisiveness. When we talked about painting a room and 2 hours later we were at the hardware store, paint in cart. And thoughtfulness. In making sure that my children felt welcome and comfortable in each new situation. And acceptance. For seeing the scars I carry and working around them. And commitment. When he fought crowds and traffic, on a day that was very busy already, just to be there for me when I crossed the line of my first big race. And empathy. When he went out of his way to make my Mother's Day meaningful and special. And most of all love. When I faced my darkest moments and biggest hurdles and it would have made perfect sense for him to walk away.

I'm so grateful- for all of it. Every memory, every experience, every day. I want to bottle them up and save them forever. I guess the best I can do is write them down and just be thankful that I have them.

If you're reading this and it all sounds familiar- I LOVE YOU!!!

Soon

Been on hiatus lately. Had a lot on my plate the past few weeks. Work stuff, house stuff, little darling birthday stuff and did a little traveling.

Things are starting to settle down, I'll be back in blogging action soon!

Good tune.

I love this song. I couldn't find the video, but give it a listen. Norah Jones is amazing.