Things I've been loving lately...

Diet Squirt
Chocolate Milk
Buffalo Wings
Red Vines
80's Music
Friday Night Lights
Salads
Sunshine
Coconut Shampoo
Salsa
The Farmer's Market
The way my baby girl is starting to say so many words and the sound of her tiny voice!

And the way her older sister grabs my clothes when I'm not looking and plays dress up!

Where did my baby go?

My baby started kindergarten this week. I just can’t believe it. It seems like yesterday I was holding a little newborn. I’d sit and just stare at her in pure awe of how much I loved her. She was so perfect, with little rosebud lips and soft skin and the perfect baby smell. I was just learning how to be a mom and I just knew my little girl was flawless! You can't ever describe to someone else the way you feel about your own baby- the hopes and dreams you have for them and the way you'd die for them the moment you meet them.





And she grew. Her personality began to show, and from the very beginning, she had a sparkle. The best word I can think to describe her is sunshine! She’s has two modes: happy and happier (sometimes loud and louder!)





The older she got, the longer her hair got and it grew in as this wild mane of curls! It just seemed to fit her personality so much!


She has a silly, light-hearted spirit. She loves to play pretend- I think she could have theatre productions in her future! It's funny because it's so different than me- the LAST thing I would have ever wanted to do was be in a theatre production- it was one of the few things I couldn't bring myself to do in school. And yet here I have this outgoing, dramatic little girl looking at me with eyes and lips that look familiar, yet her personality is so different!




She grew older and smarter. I could tell she was growing up. She was getting more mature. But she was still my baby. Watching her sleep while she sucked her thumb, made her look so much like a baby! She could be full of sass one minute, but still curl up and cuddle with the best of them!




Then she became a big sister and she took on a lot of new responsibilities. My baby is now my partner, helping me do everything from feeding her baby sister to fetching me diapers. And she takes SUCH pride in being a great big sister- it fills my heart watching them together!




And then she went to school. And the little girl that was my baby suddenly seemed so grown up. I tried to help her adjust her new pink backpack on the way home after the first day of kindergarten and she said, “No Mommy, I just want one strap on my shoulder, that’s the big kids do it. It looks cooler.” And then she didn’t seem like such a baby anymore. I just pray for all good things for her. For her to love school and make friends and have confidence and joy. She was SOOO excited to have real “homework” to do this past weekend- she was just about jumping up and down to start it!

OOPS!

So, about 2 weeks ago I went in to see my hair dresser. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "I'm going on a little vacation. What could we do that's fun but easily reversible?"
Her: "Ohhh! We could do a few streaks of color! We'll just do a few foils, then go over them with brown when you get back!"
Me: "You know, that sounds fun, I think we should do blue! I've always wanted to try that! When else am I going to be off work for a week? We can just cover them up you say? OK, let's do it!"

I was so naive... here I am smiling stupidly as I have no clue what I'm about to do...


And, it didn't take long. Within about 30 minutes, sure enough, I had a few blue streaks.

And really, I was OK with it. It was fairly subtle, in a pony tail or dim light you couldn't really tell. It took my mom 2 hours to notice when I had my hair pulled back.

But then...


I showered... and the blue- it went EVERYWHERE! The tub looked like I murdered a smurf! My feet were blue, my towel was blue, and most notably, the REST of my hair was blue. Almost panic worthy I'll admit. Especially given that the first two days of blue hair were spent with my boyfriends entire family. Yep- parents, sibling, etc. Nothing says good impressions like a momma with a head full of blue hair let me tell you. But, it was what it was. So, I just walked around like a skater punk for a few days and tried to enjoy vacation.

Then I re-entered the real world. Needless to say my work wasn't SUPER loving the skater look, so I went back to the salon. And so much for our "easy" 30-minute fix. We tried to bleach the blue out. Didn't work. So, we did the only other thing you can do, cover it up with a darker color.



At this point I'm admittedly concerned. My hair dresser is furrowing her brow and looking a litttle concerned herself. Not instilling confidence in me... not at all.

So, she does what she says she has to do. She pulled the towel off at the end and I'm just staring at the mirror. She said, "Have you heard of the Suicide Girls? They do like, calendars and stuff? They're awesome! Kind of punk, rocker, vibe! I mean, sometimes they're topless, so you may not be into that, but anyway, this hair totally reminds me of them!" And I'm thinking... I have a desk job. And 2 little kids. And I'm 31 29. The black and red, rocker, goth thing isn't really me! And by "not really me" I mean, I am doing everything possible to not burst out in tears right here!!! She said to go home, give it a few days, see if I got used to it. Conveniently, the next day was the first day of Kindergarten. So, here's my sweet baby girl and her rocker, goth, "Suicide Girl" wanna be mother. Even my 4-year old is recoiling a little.



I gave it 2 days. And after those two days of recoiling at my image in the mirror I called her back.
Me: "OK, this hair is NOT working. I can't do it. I've already gotten hate mail. My ex just emailed me and said I look like 'slutty east side trash.' I think we've established he's classy like that, but he might be right, I look ridiculous. Change it! Do something!"
To which she replies: "Hey, I'm from the east side."
And I think to myself: Noted. Maybe take her future recommendations with a grain of salt!

So, we spend another 2 hours, try to strip EVERYTHING out- which doesn't really work. I mean, it's permanent hair dye for a reason!
Now, we have a slightly less goth look. I'm calling it chestnut, or auburn! If you disagree, I will bite you! And it's what I have for a least a few months or else my hair will fall out of my head- or something dramatic like that!




Lesson learned. Don't eff with your hair.

Th "C" word

If there's one thing that I hope people think about me, it's that I forgive easily. I'm not saying I always forget. But I do forgive. And the main reason is because life is short and it's precious. And the fact is, it's fragile and it can be ripped away in a heartbeat. And I don't want to live with a lot of regrets. And, quite frankly, I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect friend or perfect daughter or perfect colleague, and I guess I hope people would forgive me for my mistakes as well.

Someone very close to me was just diagnosed with cancer. I hate that word. I feel like cancer either has taken- or will take- everyone in this world that I care about. When I pray at night, I literally thank God that another day went by that no one got in a car accident, and no one got cancer. I want to make sure He knows, that I don't take that for granted. I have inscribed on my living room wall "Never take Health, Happiness or Love for Granted." And I truly try to live by it. I try to fully appreciate each happy moment, each warm touch, each day with my loved ones.

Yes, we're all hoping and praying this is treatable. It's an early diagnosis. But that's the tricky thing about cancer, you just never know. So take extra time to hug your loved ones and TELL them that you love them. Maybe pick up the phone and actually call the friend you lost touch with.

Take a minute to take stock of your relationships and enjoy all the good that the people in your life have to offer!

It's been a busy month and I've been away from my computer alot!!!

My ex husband got his 2nd week with the kids. Four times a year he gets them for a week. It just about kills me. I miss everything about them. Their little voices, our tuck ins, the funny things they say non stop, the sweet ways they have, and the beautiful way they interact with each other. I miss it all! There's just something unnatural about a mother being away from her kids for that much time. I worry most about my little girl Millie. She's just a year and a half and I know she doesn't understand it all. Most days they still go to daycare when he has them, so I can stop and see their smiling faces. My little one runs to me and says "MAMA, MAMA, MAMA!" and jumps into my arms and just smiles her little crooked smile. It just melts me! My older one acts a little cooler- she lights up then brings it back down and says something like "hey Mom." But then she quickly finds her way onto my other knee. The little one cries when I leave. It's so hard on me. I just want find a way to be with her!

But we made it through and it will be awhile before we have to endure one of these weeks again. It will be good for all of us to get in our routines! In other news, my oldest started kidnergarten yesterday. It breaks my heart thinking this is the end of her innocence! She's still at that beautiful age where she doesn't really know what it is to be self conscious, or to compare herself to someone else. She's happiest just playing and being creative!

I'm so blessed, they're such happy, healthy kids!