My 3 1/2 year old daughter loves books. Not the good kind, the help-you-learn-to-read kind. Not the kind that will turn her into the class valedictorian, on track to become a Harvard educated doctor and become my sugar baby taking me on long weekends to the Maldives. Not that kind of reading. The Where's Waldo kind. It might not be "reading" so much as looking at pretty pictures, but she is really good at it. Like, really really good. She's like a savant when she's flipping through these things- back me up here Grandma!
So, as we sat down to do our... a'hem... "reading" the other night, we flip open to one of the pages and she says, "You find the mommy!" See, since she is so good at finding Waldo, she makes up other things for me to find, because Waldo himself is clearly too easy. Have you ever had a 3 year old be so much better than you at a game that they actually look bored when you try to beat them? It's humbling...
So I start looking for a mommy on the page. I don't see anyone with a baby so I instantly say, "I don't see a mommy. I don't think there is a mommy on this page."
To which she replies, "Yes there is a mommy, Mommy! You just have to find it." (in her sort of patronizing "you can do it!" voice that a parent would use. That voice is irritating By.The. Way. Parents- take note.)
Ok, I think. I'm no quitter, if she says there is a mommy I am sure she is right. So I keep looking. I start thinking maybe it's not an obvious mommy. I look for someone pushing a stroller. Nope, nothing. I look for a little illustrated person that is frazzled and unkempt. I look for one that is clearly on her way to work when at the last second she got spitup on her suit. Nope. I look for one that has love handles and funbags that hand down to her beltloops, courtesy of nursing her baby. Nope. I look for one that has bags under her eyes. I look for one that is craving a huge margarita, because between being pregnant and nursing she hasn't had that limey kind of love in over a year. Nope, nothing.
Finally, exasperated, I give up. I say, "Honey I really don't see a mommy. You're going to have to show me where it is."
She looks a little confused. She points at it and says, "Here it is silly. But why does it have it's baby wrapped in toilet paper? Toilet paper is icky when we use in on our butt, right Mommy?"
And sure enough, she pointed at the "Mommy" on the page. A "Mommy" wrapped in toilet paper. Now I have to explain why it's ok for this "Mommy" to play with toilet paper but it's not ok for my 3 year old. Thank you for that Waldo.