"This is so much fun! Just chillin' with my Mom! Kickin' my legs! Thinkin' about milk... ahhh milk!" "Oh no.... oooooohhhh noooo... I think that's.... Yep. That's a deuce. And it's coming out. Please Mom, put the camera away for God's sakes. Can't a girl make a number two in private these days? Ohhhh noooo. It feels a little runny. Yep, definitely a little runny. I told you not to eat that broccoli last night Mommy, it messes with my gut. Now I have the shits. Are you happy? Can you give me a minute here?"
So I do. I give her a minute to do her thing. And then when I think she's finally finished here is what I have:
Um excuse me, but when they say "extra leak guard" on those adorable tiny diapers, I think they mean, "FYI the runs are gonna totally ruin whatever the hell she's wearing anyway but we think it's effin' hilarious that we can charge you more for this shit!" I'm sorry I had to post a picture of actual poo here (that's normally on my list of three things you can never in good taste post a picture of), but I am quite certain that you wouldn't have believed the extent of the damage without the visual. I mean, there is POOP up by the collar people. Next time you think you have the runs, ask yourself, "Self. If I laid down right now, would my feces creep out of my underwear, all the way up my back and into my hair?" If your answer is no, then you really don't have the runs.
So, in the spirit of any good competition, I have to find a contender for Poop-Holio's gown. I had 3 choices.
THE SHOWDOWN: In round one, tenacious and stubborn, she's orange, she's runny- give it up for Poop Covered Jammies!!! And in the other corner, weighing in at 8 ounces- you can't beat a product with a Genie on the bottle who's smoking a joint, it's Gonzo Stain Remover!!! Let's hear it for our contenders!!! Ok you two, I want a clean fight here... no seriously, get this crap clean.
Well, the verdict is still out. It's going on it's third cycle through the wash. The Gonzo Bottle said, and I quote here, "Gonzo removes Blood, Milk, Perspiration, Tea, Urine, Vomit and much more." I took much more to mean copious amount of crap. I thought maybe they drew the line at advertising the removal of crap. Like you are supposed to infer if it works on blood, urine and vomit, then you're supposed to read between the lines? I dunno... to be determined I guess... stay tuned.