"This is so much fun! Just chillin' with my Mom! Kickin' my legs! Thinkin' about milk... ahhh milk!" 
"Oh no.... oooooohhhh noooo... I think that's.... Yep. That's a deuce. And it's coming out. Please Mom, put the camera away for God's sakes. Can't a girl make a number two in private these days? Ohhhh noooo. It feels a little runny. Yep, definitely a little runny. I told you not to eat that broccoli last night Mommy, it messes with my gut. Now I have the shits. Are you happy? Can you give me a minute here?"So I do. I give her a minute to do her thing. And then when I think she's finally finished here is what I have:
Um excuse me, but when they say "extra leak guard" on those adorable tiny diapers, I think they mean, "FYI the runs are gonna totally ruin whatever the hell she's wearing anyway but we think it's effin' hilarious that we can charge you more for this shit!" I'm sorry I had to post a picture of actual poo here (that's normally on my list of three things you can never in good taste post a picture of), but I am quite certain that you wouldn't have believed the extent of the damage without the visual. I mean, there is POOP up by the collar people. Next time you think you have the runs, ask yourself, "Self. If I laid down right now, would my feces creep out of my underwear, all the way up my back and into my hair?" If your answer is no, then you really don't have the runs.
So, in the spirit of any good competition, I have to find a contender for Poop-Holio's gown. I had 3 choices.
THE SHOWDOWN: In round one, tenacious and stubborn, she's orange, she's runny- give it up for Poop Covered Jammies!!! And in the other corner, weighing in at 8 ounces- you can't beat a product with a Genie on the bottle who's smoking a joint, it's Gonzo Stain Remover!!! Let's hear it for our contenders!!! Ok you two, I want a clean fight here... no seriously, get this crap clean.
Well, the verdict is still out. It's going on it's third cycle through the wash. The Gonzo Bottle said, and I quote here, "Gonzo removes Blood, Milk, Perspiration, Tea, Urine, Vomit and much more." I took much more to mean copious amount of crap. I thought maybe they drew the line at advertising the removal of crap. Like you are supposed to infer if it works on blood, urine and vomit, then you're supposed to read between the lines? I dunno... to be determined I guess... stay tuned.
17 comments:
Two words: Bon Fire.
Or is that one word?
Either way, that thing needs to be burned. The pooped outfit. Not the baby.
I love it. Cracks me up. If she wasn't so damn cute you know you wouldn't put up with that crap. (Pun intended.)
OMG. I just threw up in my mouth. Yet another reason I am not ready for children. I would have gagged.
She is freakin' cute though, so certainly that helps! Poor millster.
totally laugh out loud worthy!!!!!!!!!
I'm with Jenny- toss the thing! I've tried all those and in the end the all suck.
what the fuck.
I am sorry, let me reiterate:
WHAT.THE.FUCK.
The Bloggess comes to YOU?! ANd I sent YOU to HER, but she doesn't come to ME?!?!?!
W.T.F.
Oh, and yeah-shit happens. And PS that is totally the rug I found this weekend at HomeGoods that I want so bad. But now I am all distracted because The Bloggess commented on your page.
Cliff read this post and here is his response, "Aha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha ha! I had to get a tissue I was laughing so hard."
So glad I found your blog because I've been dying to tell someone about the explosion I heard when my 3yo did not quite make it to the potty today. It would have come out his collar for sure had he not made it out of his spiderman underoos in time.
If you happen to be in my house, I suggest you use the upstairs bathroom until further notice.
Motzenbockers
Motsenbokers?
Whatever, that stuff works.. on everything. It's fabulous.
I remember those days. *snicker*
Of course, Jenny may be on to something...
mary margaret did that the other night...i guess she was a little constipated that day because it was such a huge amount of poop i was amazed!
been. there. yeah. soak it in oxyclean...no results....pitch it. or skip the soak and just pitch it. that is what i generally do.
I had the same think happen and got disciplined by grandma and mommy about throwing the clothing away. In my opinion...it is garbage.
Just added a post about a bike "accident"...check it out if you have time.
Man how I can relate!
And, seriously...you took a picture. Hilarious. We call them shit-spolsions!
And, oxyclean works great. I have a basin that I fill with a scoop of oxyclean and some hot water and soak it overnight. Works like a charm.
If you can wash it immediately, just HOT water and oxyclean!
Now I am on pins and needles for a follow up. Did you 'get it out' or 'throw it out'? GB :)
Okay I get baby fever sometimes and I want bury my face by the back of their heads and smell their sweet little necks again but I DO NOT miss this.
I used to throw the onesies away and buy new ones because I was laundry challenged. You are a better woman than I
Tell me how they do it? My son for the first 12 months of his life was an expert at this very task. Seriously how do they push it all the way up their back.
Oxiclean became my best friend. It saved a few things that I never thought would come clean.
Haha, you are hilarious. Seriously, I think you maybe wrote 'Look Who's Talking' and 'Look Who's Talking Too' and 'Look Who's Talking Now'. I love those dang movies.
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