An intervention. An ass-intervention to be specific. I mean, I get that of course my normal clothes would seize to fit. Then my bras. Then my underwear. But now, NOW, it's my maternity clothes. My MATERNITY clothes! And you wanna know what the problem is? My huge pregnant ASS! I usually try to refrain from the foul language and all, but you cannot fully comprehend this physique with mention of a mere "buttocks," "rump" or "behind." Unless plaid makes things 8 times larger than normal size, then I have determined (with affirmation from the very man who did this thing to me) that indeed, my ass is the size of a 1970's era Buick. We're talking big folks. The only relief in coming to terms with that fact, is that I can quit blaming the cute, patchy plaid Bermuda-style maternity shorts that I dropped $35 dollars on. I was all ready to set fire to them, which was sort of sad since I lost sleep for 3 nights over them, stewing about spending $35 on casual shorts when 95% of my life is spent in "business attire." But man, the 3 times I got to wear them this summer they did look really cute!
So now what you ask? I don't know to be honest... Try to wretch that burrito out of my hand and I'll snap your arm off and slap you across the face with it. Maybe I should try on the ol' exercise routine again. Course at this point I can barely waddle across the house for another Dilly bar... so we'll see how that goes.
And yes... I do in fact still ahve 3 months to go.
7 comments:
LOL!!!! This is great. I'll stay away from your burrito at lunch.
I carried al of my babies in my butt. My ample backside left the room about 7 seconds after me. I kncoked clothes off the racks in stores and left a wake of chaos behind...(the puns abound) I never quite got the hang of managing the thing. But it will fade away. Probably...but maybe in the meantime get a tight satiny skirt and swish baby...
I carried al of my babies in my butt. My ample backside left the room about 7 seconds after me. I kncoked clothes off the racks in stores and left a wake of chaos behind...(the puns abound) I never quite got the hang of managing the thing. But it will fade away. Probably...but maybe in the meantime get a tight satiny skirt and swish baby...
I carried al of my babies in my butt. My ample backside left the room about 7 seconds after me. I kncoked clothes off the racks in stores and left a wake of chaos behind...(the puns abound) I never quite got the hang of managing the thing. But it will fade away. Probably...but maybe in the meantime get a tight satiny skirt and swish baby...
you are just making up for the severe morning/noon/night sickness....your body NEEDS the food. As for big asses, well I don't know, maybe get teach your daughter to make beeping sounds when you get up or move backward?
Honey, Honey, Honey, you still have cute little buns... and a sweet cake in the oven, too! :) GB
Oh, you are so cute! It was not nice of your hubby to agree with you - HA!
Take care and enjoy those Dilly Bars and burritos - being pregnant is one of the only times in your life you can get a little fat and not feel guilty about it! I know - that doesn't help about the cute plaid shorts - sorry!
Take care - Kellan
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